Orgasms, chocolate, and shopping - cures for the uninspired

I had a visit from inspiration the other day and it was lovely; her visits always are. She tucked in and stayed for a bit - we shared some wine, had some laughs. Then she was gone. Without a word she'd finished the Cabernet, eaten the last truffle and pulled up stakes. It's happened before and will happen again - inspiration is just like that...bitch.

My problem isn't so much that she's gone (although I do feel a bit used), but what she's left in her place - writer's block, thought jams, and cerebral constipation. At this point, I usually throw on some music (preferably Bowie), uncork another bottle, adjust the lighting, and wait for inspiration's glorious return. But if after the Ziggy Stardust-Changes One-Heathen Bowie trifecta ends and the vintage Cabernet has been properly decanted, inspiration is still MIA, more earnest inspiration-seeking measures must be taken. Here are a few that work for me:

1. Get out of the box. No, I don't mean "think outside the box" (we'll discuss that in a later blog on Dreadfully overused 90's anthems that ultimately mean nothing), I mean GET OUT of the box. That's right - I used all caps - I'm serious here. You may have the most lush work space ever created by man, woman, or beast. But at some point the mahogany bookcases will illicit suicidal thoughts and the bubbling Zen fountain that usually frees your mind will only free your bladder. Get up, walk out the door and seek alternate surroundings - a museum, a cinema, a coffee house, the gym - anywhere. Just go - now.

2. Go shopping. That's right, shopping - and I'm not just talking to the ladies here. Sure, you could go to a museum for a gander at Cezanne's Bathers, or hit the cinema for a House of Wax/Tomb of Ligeia double feature. Both are good bets, but mere visual stimulation leaves me - and inspiration - wanting. Shopping to the rescue. The opportunity to walk through a shop and not only see the beauty, controversy and daring on display, but to then touch it, hold it's weight, and feel it's coolness against your skin - that's inspiring, and when done right produces a bit of a tingle in all the right places. Which brings me to my next inspirational summoner...

3. Sex. If a brisk walk, hours at a film, and the feel of cold silk against your torso hasn't done it for you, then it's time to get your groove on. Now I'm not suggesting that mid-coitus the elusive piece of dialogue or the perfect way to block your next scene will come to you (nor should it), or that demanding "inspiration sex" from your partner is the way to go either. I merely offer this - the release from a sweat-mingling, limb-bending, passion-inducing, almost bone crushing orgasm does wonders to free the mind - and inspiration's a whore for the post-coital down and dirty details.

4. Break the rules. I'm not advocating lawlessness here, we're talking inspiration not incarceration, or moral abandonment - well, not in this post anyway. I am suggesting you shake things up a bit. Grab some mates and hit the pub for cocktails, even if it's Tuesday and not 'pub night'. Eat the damn chocolate bar, let the kids play hooky and take them to the playground, have a three-martini lunch - do something different that feels a little naughty. And hold the recrimination. If you've spent the day on the phone with your BFF or stayed out in the pub too late on a school night, so be it. This isn't crime and punishment, and holding yourself accountable for these minor sins won't bring inspiration back. It will only make you a self-flagellating arse. Trust me this is not attractive, and inspiration loathes self flagellation.

If none of these suggestions appeal to you, I suggest you may be looking for our friend avoidance rather than inspiration. In this case, I've found Twitter to be very helpful.